Yesterday was national “if pets had thumbs” day in North America. Animals mostly don’t have opposing digits like humans. So they can’t pick up a cocktail and drink it as a human can. Also, you shouldn’t let them, because dogs literally are addicted to arseholes. You don’t want to give a dog any thumbs, it will just use them to thumb other dogs in their excretory openings. Every time you get back from a walk, you would have to clean their thumbs. Instead, leave their paws alone and spend that otherwise wasted thumb-cleaning time making yourself a Sea Breeze cocktail.
You may have heard that cocktails are refreshing. Well, this comes with added “breeze”. It will cool you down and make you feel better. Partly because alcohol numbs the senses. Who needs senses? Not me, I need vodka, cranberry- and grapefruit juice. You know when your body is telling you what it needs? Well, I need that.
I don’t write articles drunk, but if I did, I would be drunk on this Sea Breeze cocktail! The fruit content is great for your health. Furthermore, studies have shown that drinking grapefruit juice severely affects the medication you may be taking, making it more potent than ever! So if you are taking antidepressants, you will be climbing the ceilings of joyous ecstasy right now. Don’t worry about tomorrow, it will be fine. Just remember, keep drinking grapefruit extract and snorting painkillers until you are happier than when your first discovered masturbation and nearly lost it with delight.